Fran Unis Klara McKunty
Editor, likes soaking fruit and
rubbing pastry in. Has a long
standing agreement with reality to
keep itself at a friendly distance.
Bianca Fireplace
Office bully and freelance arsonist.
Head of marketing.
Was caught trying to set fire to
a concrete bollard on the A1M,
released early due to over crowding.
Wendy Incident
Artwork and leg specialist.
It is said Wendy was found in a
cave, on the Isle of Skye, singing
sea shanties to a small frog.
Arthur Randy Prefab
Critic and hammer enthusiast.
Head of finances
Likes to wander the office in his
shorts eating yogurt poking little
bits of blue tac into any available
orifice.
The author is a strange and complicated individual, Lambert.
Most Wednesdays you’ll find him outside the council’s traffic management office, shouting at bewildered strangers about unpaid parking fines, potholes, orange cones, and — on particularly windy days — wasps.
In the summer months, he enjoys hanging upside down from a tree, claiming he’s “just seeing how the Australians do it.”
He was once caught trying to agitate a ferret with an empty toilet roll.
The case was later dropped after he explained, quite sincerely, that he’d lost his grip on reality halfway through a Nigel Farage podcast and simply “needed something to believe in.”